Managing people is truly a craft. We learn on the job, through training and from mentors and coaches. There are parts of managing people that don't get talked about enough. Some are sensitive, messy or even embarrassing. We need to talk about to get better at the craft. Here are 23 of these truths.
When I was growing up, I heard my father talk about the day to day of managing people. He worked for IBM where I assumed everyone was orderly and stoically went about their critically important business in blue suits and white shirts! The stories my father told were an unexpected blend of mundane, challenging and even strange-sounding situations.
He managed engineers but spent a great deal of time talking and worrying about people more so than a product. At the time I didn’t understand why.
He cared deeply about it getting it right for his people. That part didn’t surprise me.
It all makes sense now. As my Dad demonstrated and I since learned, it is all about the people. I also know why he looked exhausted some nights. Caring about anything that much can be tiring.
I’m fortunate to have such a humble and thoughtful role model.
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There Must Be A Secret Sauce For Managing People
OK, so fast forward to my reality, well about two decades anyway. I was part of a technical consulting group focused on helping clients solve risk-related issues. I was the only female and one of if not its youngest members. We had recently come through a merger of two large organizations. One thing led to another, and I found myself being asked to run the department. Suffice to say I was surprised. As I look back on it, I had no idea what was to come!
Until that point in my career, I assumed there was some secret sauce for managing people. I figured I would be let in on the recipe at the right time. Of course, there is no secret sauce. The most common progression still to a management role is a solid individual contributor with the ability to get along with people. Most managers learn on the job. Some expertly, some not.
What A Learning Curve
Whether you were an aspiring manager or they called you in one day and said run the group, odds are you’ve encountered all kinds of situations you never expected. Personal growth lives there, so that is good.
There are parts of managing people that don’t get talked about enough. Some are sensitive, messy or even embarrassing. Some are the grinding realities of handling people that aren’t all that sexy. Finally, many don’t lend themselves to an easy how-to or neatly fit into a leadership development course.
We can break this cycle for the next generation of leaders. We can start by installing a greater sense of awareness of what’s to come. Even better, we can better target training and coach to address these truths.
23 Truths To Pass On
Here are 23 realities of managing people. I confronted as a new leader and now count as learnings.
Practically speaking these learnings age well over time and remain relevant for new leaders and anyone working to improve their leadership impact via a healthy gut check.
The 23 truths have been split out into three categories:
1.) 1:1 people management
2.) Your leadership presence (how your team experiences you)
3.) Leading every day
The 1:1 Of Managing People
1. You learn way more about people than you expect (and sometimes want to know). If you manage enough people and do so long enough, you will hear a ton of personal information. Some people overshare while others keep work and their own life completely separate. It can feel like a tightrope balancing relationship building, demonstrating empathy and continuing to drive individual and team performance.
2. You will encounter unusual albeit generally harmless habits and behaviors. These can include hygiene issues, allergies, cultural preferences and everyday quirks. We all have something. You will deal with what can seem like silly things such as what people heat up in the microwave, using too much perfume/cologne and someone who doesn’t shower. You will also have actual emotional, mental health and physical illnesses of your direct reports and their family to manage through. There is no manual. Engage peers and HR colleagues you trust. Deal with the issues though, so they don’t distract everyone else.
3. Some people won’t like you. This happens for a variety of reasons. It could be they don’t think you should have the job, they want the job, or they don’t like you. It can be hard to decipher which is which. Liking you would be great, respect for being thoughtful and fair is the more important destination. Not being liked may be uncomfortable. You need to get the bottom of it so you can keep them, you and your team productive.
Related: 9 Things People Do If They Want You To Be Successful As A Leader
4. Managing people is a game of chess, not checkers. Doing it well means you understand and guide your people as the individuals they are. It’s about putting in the time to get to know them and then stay connected. What do they care about, why, what inspires them, what kind of environment will yield their best.
You can’t create a different work environment for each person that works for you, but you absolutely can have a 1:1 relationship. You don’t need to treat everyone the same. Instead, you need to manage everyone fairly. Treating everyone the same doesn’t work, and it misses on unique strengths and weaknesses. Chess not checkers.
See the Harvard Business Review article What Great Managers Do for more detail.
5. Underperforming colleagues suck up too much time. It is a puzzle. Because you need to deal with underperformance you have to devote the time. It is a huge time suck though. Do the work to address and bring them along but don’t over-index at the expense of your great people. You know if someone isn’t going to make it — isn’t coachable, is wholly miscast or both. Deal with it ASAP. Push the envelope on internal policies and HR if needed.
For this and many areas of your role as a manager, find an HR business partner who focuses on that middle word, business. They will guide you and help you manage talent as you need.
Seek guidance from people who are actually doing the work.
— Dan Rockwell (@Leadershipfreak) March 22, 2018
6. People Don’t Always Tell You The Truth. People stop telling you what’s going on – what’s in the way, what could make things better. The more responsibility and in theory power you have the harder it is to get an accurate view. You need to stay in touch with what’s going on in your business without managing every detail. Also, you need to be approachable and accessible.
Yes, it would be great if people came with a solution, but minimally you want them to know they can come with a problem.
Related: How Binge Watching Undercover Boss Will Make You A Better Leader
7. People remember what you say (and some things you don’t.) In many ways, your people will take your conversations as commitments. Be super mindful of your discussions about career progression, compensation, rewards, titles. Know that they will remember everything you say in this regard. These items are vital for people. They will put you “on the clock,” not in a mean-spirited way, instead because it’s important to them. Stay connected with your folks on these topics.
If they are always following up with you versus the other way around, invariably you will be caught on your heels. People left hanging look elsewhere including outside.
Your Leadership Presence
8. Your age and gender matter about as much as you allow. I hit the trifecta in my first leadership role. I was managing a group of older men and the very group I was a part of the day prior. People will test you. It’s easier if you expect it but not dwell on it. Ask for help when you need it and call them to the problems. If passive-aggressive behaviors emerge, get to the bottom of what’s driving them.
Don’t let age, gender, etc. get in your head. You were picked to lead. Be normal! It works approximately 100% of the time.
9. Being fully present with people is a gift. This has always been true but has only become harder in a 24/7 smartphone world. Be it personal or professional, the act of spending time gives way to conversations that otherwise wouldn’t occur. They cover the simple and the complicated. In person discussions and time together provide texture to relationships.
If your gut says a discussion would be much better/different if in person, make it so. Get in your car, on a train/plane. Your people remember these gifts long after you will.
10. It’s not all about you. It is about them. Being a leader means you give yourself over to that. That can be exhausting, and sometimes it’s exhilarating. It is not a subtly. The premise is the basis for servant leadership. It is evidenced in so many of the 23 truths – being present, being a human shield and being an excellent communicator.
People know if it’s all about them or you, and you can’t fake it.
11. Control is an illusion. This reality sinks in over time. Spoiler alert, employees don’t want to be controlled. No one wins the battle for their discretionary time by demanding it or micromanaging. People want to be engaged, challenged, motivated and recognized.
If you find yourself directing how or micromanaging, take a step back. Ask yourself what’s driving the urge and behavior on your part. If it ties back to someone not being coachable or miscast, deal with it. Otherwise, you have to re-channel your energy. People will vote with their feet if you don’t.
12. You are only as good as the worst behaviors you tolerate. I learned this the hard way. “Bad behaviors” are tolerated, for whatever period, when exhibited by otherwise top performers. This reality challenges even the most experienced of leaders. Mercenaries or toxic people have no place in a growing, collaborative business.
My mistake was tolerating the rants of a top salesperson. Once you push through one of these situations, you realize you get through it, even if they leave. No one, no one is irreplaceable. Oh yeah, and the balance of your team will say, what took you so long?
13. You have life experiences from which you can draw. The longer I managed people, the more I realized that seemingly unrelated skills could help me lead in the current day. One area I tapped was being an athlete growing up. I was a catcher in Division I softball in college. I loved in an otherwise dull game I was in the center of the action both mentally and physically. One of my learnings – walking toward your pitcher at the mound and toward your top sales rep after an internal scuffle bear a lot of similarities. You need them like crazy, they need you but it it is all situational and requires a deft hand!
Life experiences translate into leadership lessons. Dig into yours.
14. You are “the boss.” You are now that person; the one people send texts about, talk about to their family and friends at night and on the weekends. What you say and how you say matters. It’s a heady thing. Remember it, treat it with respect but don’t let it paralyze you.
Leading Every Day
15. Communication is king. So much of being a manager comes down to being a clear, transparent, timely communicator. There is a lot there in those three words. Pull those off, and your people will be with you. People will do almost anything you ask, in the time you request, if you bring them along on the journey.
During times of change, amp up the communication even further. Also, while people likely don’t articulate it this way, they crave context for the strategy and tactics of your department and the organization. Explain the why.
Related: How To Communicate Organizational Change So It’s Way Less Painful
16. Some days you need to be a human shield against organizational craziness or ambiguity. The goings on in organizations can confuse, frustrate, disillusion or even anger people. Your job in these situations is first and foremost to show up. Your team needs to see and hear a confident, concise, forward-looking message.
If you don’t have the answers, you need to push (hard) until you get them, If your organization comes up short (and some will), keep talking to your team. The ambiguity almost always passes. Your people will know you led and supported them.
17. Feedback is your friend. Give feedback in or as close to the moment as possible. It is one of the hardest things to do as a new leader or if you never made it a habit. Giving feedback is critical for growing individuals and organizations. Sports team don’t do the same thing over and over. There is constant feedback, course correcting and practice. Take the stigma out of giving and receiving feedback.
18. Meetings only matter if you make it so. People go in thinking at best this is taking me away from something and at worst this is a complete waste of time. Meetings can be a terrific tool if used with intention. They are expensive in pure time and done poorly grind on morale. When in doubt, don’t set up another.
For those you do hold, do the work to drive value and engage everyone participating. Avoid readout sessions and ones where you merely relay information that you could communicate other ways.
People who enjoy meetings should not be in charge of anything. – Thomas Sowell
19. Being friends with co-workers can be difficult. Having great friends at work is a gift. It makes an enormous difference in how people see their connectivity to an organization. There may be times when you have to make a decision or keep confidences that run contrary to the way a friend views the situation. It’s possible not all will have a happy ending. The key is to be as open as possible and talk out the severe cases.
It’s still worth it though. There is more upside than peril in having close friendships at work.
20. Leadership doesn’t take time away from your “real work.” You probably wear many hats. You may have individual contributor work in addition to your management work. Good leaders are regulars for cross-function initiatives, so you likely have those pulls.
Spending time with your team helps fuel engagement and ultimately outstanding results. That time is the real work. Let yourself off the hook on that feeling.
21. You need to ask for help (early & often). I didn’t do this early enough in my career. It was partly a desire to demonstrate confidence – “I got it.” It was also I thought I could figure it out. I like the problem-solving part of management and leadership. Either way, I could have asked sooner and more often.
Experience is not something you can fast forward. But you can borrow the knowledge and confidence of those you tap. Doing this has a way of binding them to the outcomes you are driving. You can’t have too many people rooting for you in an organization!
22. Thank you matters more than you realize.
I’ve never worked in any company or any department where we were in danger of over recognizing people. And I don’t know anyone that does. Saying thank you, pick the appropriate delivery mechanism public or private, is always a good idea.
No, they don’t pay the bills for people. It’s rare to talk to someone leaving a company who said, I felt entirely recognized, I just want more money. Genuine thank you’s are free and pay huge dividends.
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it like wrapping a present and not giving it. – William Arthur Ward
Last But Not Least
23. It is super rewarding. While I didn’t set out to be a manager, I realized once I got in how it fit my natural wiring. I got so much out of it.
There is a vast array of things to read, watch or listen to about the challenges of management and leadership. There isn’t enough about how rewarding it is, beyond the compensation. Finding, developing and helping people grow professionally and personally is super satisfying. Yes, it is hard work, but you get the benefit of seeing a tangible result. And the result lives on for quite a long time.
Consider these 23 truths about managing people and where you might recalibrate. Kudos to you for working on this craft.
Here are two tools to support your work, check them out now.
1. 7 Questions You Must Consider If You Manage Other Managers
2. How To Communicate Organizational Change So It Doesn’t Kill Your People (or You)
Finally, click here for a printable PDF of this post.
QUESTION: What other truths do you have about managing people?